If a guy somewhere in Asia makes a blog and no one reads it, does it really exist?

Monday, May 24

K-1 is a sick sport

"Karate, Kickboxing, Tae kwon do and Kung fu are among the martial arts upon which K-1 is founded," says the K-1 official website. What it looks like in the ring is two very large men trying to beat each other to a pulp.

A couple nights ago, I watched the Saitama Romanex championships on the tube, just to make sure I'm not missing something subtle about K-1. It is, after all, based on such venerable traditions of self defense. Perhaps when that scary looking bald man is grimacing and squirming on the ground as he is kicked in the head by his opponent, there is some delicate artistry that escapes the untrained Western eye. After closely watching the whole brutal affair, I concluded that K-1 is probably the sickest sport to ever be shown on prime-time television.

Pai Mei would not be amused.

Want to know how to win a match? I'll tell you how. 1. Tackle your opponent and wrestle him to the ground. 2. Straddle his chest and beat his head silly until he nearly loses consciousness. That seems to be the gist of K-1. These guys must train for hours every day to perfect the five-point palm exploding heart technique and other secrets of the Shaolin passed down through hundreds of generations, but when it comes to the actual fight, they just hafta hammer their opponent's head into the floor.

Clearly defined rules are what make a sport a sport, right? In any other civilized gentleman's sport - like boxing or cockfighting - the artistry involved is pretty easy to see.

But lookie, K-1 apparently does have some rules.

(a) The following are defined as fouls:
Using the head to deliver a blow.
Using the elbow.
Attacking the opponent in the groin (attacks to the groin with knee kicks or hand techniques shall be considered as low-blows and will be ruled as fouls).
Using techniques from wrestling or judo such as throwing or submission techniques.
Thumbing, choking or biting on the opponent.
Attacking the opponent while he is down or in the process of getting up.
Attacking the opponent while the referee is intervening to separate the fighters.
Holding the ropes to attack the opponent, or to avoid the attack from the opponent. However, this is not applicable in the situation in case the referee determines that it is inevitable to hold the ropes.
Using offensive or insulting language.
Attacking the back of the head with a punch (the side of the head and the area around the ears are not considered as the back of the head and are valid target areas).
Attempting to cause the opponent to fall out of the ring.
Voluntarily exiting the ring during the course of a match.

Okay, but here's what I don't understand. I saw one guy win by chocking his opponent with his elbow (two fouls?) and I saw the K-1 has-been Bob Sapp get kicked repeatedly on the top of his head as he lay writhing on his back. The refs didn't seem to mind one bit. Are these not fouls?

Really, what a sick excuse for a sport. Any sport where the referees have to wear rubber gloves to protect their hands from the blood is just barbaric.

I can't wait 'till the next tournament, dude.


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